Land of Confusion #biweek #bivisibility

"I've got no problem with people being gay, or lesbian."
"No, of course not."
"But bisexual? It's just greedy, isn't it? They want to have everything. They should choose and be done with it."

And I cannot turn a single one of the hundreds of thoughts and questions swirling around my head into an utterance...

Are you talking about open relationships?
Do you mean cheating?
Bisexual people can be monogamous too.
Are you saying
you choose to be
attracted only to one gender?
Are you saying
you ignore
any other feelings you have?
Do you choose whom to love?
Whom not to love?
Or do you fall like the rest of us,
and land where you land,
unexpectedly delighted when your affections are returned
or mooning for weeks while to your crush non-existent?
you know,
if you had to 'make a choice',
if you had to deny your feelings
then maybe you're the one who's confused?

Instead, I'm almost grinding my teeth, damned if I say those two little words -

(Well, actually), I'm bisexual.

to endure what surely will follow:

Have you had a girlfriend?
Are you sure?
She's doing it for attention.
(when I'm really, really not)

- and damned if I don't.


  1. Yep. Co-sign on all of this. Gotta prove both that you *really* are bi via relationship history, but also have to prove you're monogamous (and thus have "picked a side" even when you haven't). Oh, and don't forget that once you've said those two words, some self-righteous so-and-so will invariably tell you that your identity is inherently transphobic.

    But I will never, ever, ever go back in the closet just to appease someone else.

  2. I've been accused of switching teams,(I was married to a man for thirteen years) and have been told that I can't be monogamous to anyone because I'm pansexual. No, I didn't switch teams. I play(ed) for all sides equally, and yes, I can most certainly be/ am monogamous. I adore my spouse and would never consider hurting her. To say otherwise discounts me and her and the strength of our relationship. Being married while bi/pan doesn't mean you can't look and admire and think...hetero couples look, admire, and think too. It means I respect, love, and honor her above all others and will always stand with her. I promised her that I would, and I keep my promises. For me, it's the Naw, honey, I'm good her I will stay true.

  3. I like all cheese. Asking me to choose a cheese and only ever eat that particular cheese for the rest of my life simply to tick one of your boxes.....Nah. Just let us all be, and just because you only see me eating cheddar does not mean a thing about my cheese orientation. There is absolutely no need for anyone to see the contents of my fridge to satisfy their curiosity about my cheese stash.


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